[Before I get into what’s on my mind, I offer up an alternative for those who’re not interested in my inner turmoil. While I have always resisted making this blog into a travelog, earlier posts going back to December 2014 describe not only the magnificent places Mabrouka has taken me, but what adventures we’ve had together. Entertainment aside, it may also be important for some of you to visit those posts in order to understand more intimately what Mabrouka means to me. If where I’ve been and what I’ve done is your dominant interest, then please also revisit my first series of posts on SailBlogs at https://www.sailblogs.com/member/blessedlady/ and travel back to early 2013 when I first stepped off the dock into this adventure. It includes my local cruising around Seattle and Puget Sound as well as my single-handed foray through Canada’s Gulf Islands, Gold Coast, and Desolation Sound.]
In my last post, Crossroads, I laid out the quandary I face in going forward. The fact is that the question runs deeper than just my cruising ambitions. What’s really going on is that I’m wondering WTF in general is gonna happen in the rest of my life.
The first question I pose to myself is: What does Mabrouka mean to me? The answer is complex. In the simplest terms, I wonder whether Mabrouka is a cruising yacht or a home. It isn’t useful to the choices I have to make to take the philosophical view and claim she’s both, so let’s discuss what each means. Your feedback will be appreciated.
I’m ashamed to say that it’d be a lie if I said that every square inch of Mabrouka is familiar to me. That may have been true from time to time, but the fact that I have only recently rediscovered rot in my main mast would belie that claim at present. This may be the crux of the answer as to home or yacht. A responsible yacht owner who depends on their charge to carry them across the sea cannot afford to not be intimately aware of the state of its every nook and cranny. I have only ever been that guy when driven to it by necessity and I’d be hard pressed to disagree with the several sailors who might dare to tell me that I shouldn’t even be out on The Blue. While the use I’ve put Mabrouka to until I arrived in Vava’U justified giving her the more careful stewardship of a cruising yacht, she has more realistically just been my home for the past five years. Whether that holds true beyond this moment is crucial.
The fact is that the onslaught of major repair issues since I arrived in Tonga has greatly disheartened me. Thanks to the moral and monetary support of friends and family, not to mention substantial and pre-mature draw-downs from my 401k, I have managed to keep plugging away at them in a setting that is, most definitely, not conducive to major yacht repairs. While this latest issue with the main mast has the potential to totally defeat any cruising ambitions that I may yet hold, I am still poking around at a solution. Then again, I think of the many other repairs that I’d need to complete for a safe return to blue water crossings and I have to wonder whether that defeat is a practical reality.
If Mabrouka is “just” a home, then I’d seriously consider just removing the rig, sealing the main mast deck penetration, and concentrating on interior comfort. While this wouldn’t necessarily relegate Mabrouka to the boneyard of discarded yachts, it would turn her towards that sad voyage. It would also, however, allow me to redirect the funds necessary to replace the single-side band radio, repair or replace the autopilot, and replace the main sail and the genoa towards long overdue cosmetic work as well as electrical/power and other systems repairs and upgrades. This change of focus would eliminate Fiji and harbors beyond as destinations, but would still facilitate exploring Vava’U and its many wonderful anchorages.
It may be a critical clue that I am surprisingly sanguine about exploring this decision. When I looked up at the mast some days ago and saw the ripples in it’s relatively new paint job, then felt the soft wood hidden beneath, I didn’t feel that jolt of despair that had hit me upon previous such discoveries. Instead, it was almost expected, …karmic reinforcement of my Vava’Uan friends’ refrain that I am fated to stay in California, no matter how much I want to check out.
S/V Mabrouka 
This post saddens me, because I read your sadness in writing it. I cannot advise you about your dilemma, I can only cheer you on when you come to a decision. If you don’t have the capital to make Mabrouka TOTALLY seaworthy — that is, to safely make the trip to New Zealand and Australia — I would not want you to risk the voyage. I know that you are happy in Tonga, and making that island your home could give Mabrouka a happy retirement. Life is full of tough choices, isn’t it?
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Yeah, it is a sad path to go down, but one that, up to now, I feel I’m taking soberly. It should eventually have a happy ending no matter the route.
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I think that she has been your home but that maybe it’s time to go in a new direction and find another home. We are all getting to an age where it’s prudent to be near friends, family, and good medical care. Might be time for a new adventure!
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Ciao, brother, Tough to collect helpful thoughts. I was going back and forth. I have come to a foggy place where the decisions are re-framed. You are considering big questions and I can only offer alternatives to consider. For example yacht vs. home. I think that distills to Vava’u vs. other. I think you know in your head that Mabrouka will never again be a mistress of the sea. So the issue is heart. As you know and are wrestling with. So, while trying not to be confrontational, but facilitory, let me pose some questions. The answers belong to you and I do not need to know them. I loved Isabelle, and miss her every day. But, only in my case, it was time to construct a new path. You mention great joy sailing with friends and family. That can be done many ways. Can jt be done with Mabrouka? I know finances are tight. Do you accept being in Tonga.? Travel will be very expensive if you want to see next evolution of your daughters? I find I am being not neutral, so I will stop. That is not helpful. But I will offer one last thought. We ain’t getting younger. Medical care is an issue. Hope I have not offended. Should you get to Europe, we are moving to Genoa. You have a bed. Bob
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Your thoughts are helpful and pretty much follow my line of thinking. Knowing I have friends in the great, wide world is a comfort.
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If you want to spitball., let me know.
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Big decision, for sure. Some basics up front:
some questions and thoughts:
a. You have a new grandchild. Speaking as a grandfather with four grandkids, one of which is 15 months old, I find that time with them is high on my list of priorities. I would include time with family as a decision factor.
b. Using set based design is a way to bring options into focus. Describe your options as you have begun to do and consider subsets, with thought given to future states and finances. Then rule out the options that are infeasible or clearly less desirable. It will at least discipline the comparisons and quantify the practical considerations. Of course, it is an emotional choice at heart, hence your outreach. But a shorter list from ruling out impractical ideas will allow other preferences to make the difference.
c. Is shipping boat somewhere that lets you fix or replace mast while doing other things an option or a complication?
d. How deep are your roots in Tonga? Only you know that!
last comment: if you are seriously thinking of coming to tge Webb thing in May, please know that you are welcome at our house and it would be fun to see you.
dh
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Thanks, Dave. All good thoughts. I’d have to educate myself on set based design, but I think I’ve done something like that. At least I do have a page in my notebook with thoughts and circle and arrows on it.
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The beauty of Set-Based-Design is that you dont immediately focus on ”the” solution, instead focusing on ruling out the less desirable solutions. Also, if you characterize things in phases, there could be overlap of early steps, simplifying the nearest choices (but leaving more decisions for later, of course.)
It is kind of a neat thing to be thinking about your future and have good options.
dh
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